Joey: On birth, postpartum and gathering her supports
After Julian
I have had two gentle, peaceful, blissful home births. My first son taught me that joy was possible. I lived my life awaiting the next trauma, terrified at every corner. Feeling that nobody and nothing had my back - Julian’s birth taught me that deep bliss and joy were possible. I felt immense ecstasy for around six months after birthing him. Interestingly, it almost felt lonely because society expected me to be tired, stressed, and for birth to be difficult. People didn’t believe me when I said I loved giving birth, I do love birthing. It feels powerful, intense, gentle and grounding. I sing my babies out and labour is a painless dance for me, an intuitive flow. I was in deep shock and disbelief during my postpartum period, because I expected to walk away injured and broken, but I felt deep grace and incredibly blessed. These uplifting feelings were totally new for me. My heart had to open a little more to accommodate all the joy.
After Javier
My second son has cracked my heart wide open. There has been lots of tender, soft tears over the first ten or so weeks. I sort of walked wide eyed and willing into the labyrinth of my inner world. I met old memories. I met many parts of my Self that I had forgotten and abandoned, because I didn’t know what to do with her. I’ve learnt to hold my own hand and listen to my inner voices, wanting to be heard. I’ve learnt to hug myself with kindness and be understanding for all the inner conflicts and misplaced fears. Still unfolding, I am getting practice at meeting heartfelt groundlessness and mush as a way of life. Above all this, my postpartum time taught me to be held by others and fully supported. It was so magical. I felt deeply loved and seen through my tender moments.
Preparing my Postpartum
For Javier’s birth I gathered together a solid postpartum and birth team so that there wouldn’t be stress on my partner or parents, who didn’t quite have the capacity, or depth, or sensitivity I needed. I had support for house cleaning, cooking, a nanny for my toddler, two private midwives, a doula and mental health chats weekly with a professional who offered home visits. Every week in my postpartum I had about three home visits with various birth workers listening to my tender unravelling and encouraging me to stay with it, tears flowing, skin on skin with my beautiful baby and a lifetime of trauma surfacing for me to feel and heal. I now feel lighter, taller, and vitality and humour have entered my life. This postpartum period has changed me. I am rebirthed. I met the dark mystery, and since this tender time my soul continues to guide me towards being the woman my boys need me to be; to become the woman the world needs now. I am at my edge, softening fears with each breath, each step, and each word. I now know my life is sacred. I walk the sacred path of mother.
Images below of Joey with her two boys in their early days postpartum, provided by Joey and shared with permission.
